For families and friends
How to ask a man if he is alright, twice
The first "I'm fine" is almost never the answer. A short guide for mates, partners and families.
Self Invested Men · 1 October 2026 · 4 minute read
Ask a man how he is and nine times out of ten you will hear "fine". Sometimes he is. Sometimes the second question is the one that matters.
Pick your moment
Side by side works better than face to face. In the car, on a walk, washing up. Not across a table with everyone watching.
Ask, then ask again
"How are you doing?" gets "fine". "No, really, how are you doing?" gets the truth more often than you would think. Keep it light, and mean it.
Then listen
You do not need to fix anything. Do not jump in with advice. Let the silence sit for a bit. "That sounds hard" is often enough.
If you are worried
Encourage him to talk to his GP, or to call Samaritans on 116 123, free, any time. If you think he is in immediate danger, call 999.
And if he fancies some company, bring him along to a session. No questions asked.